Claustrophobic

I can't sleep....

I never realized how claustrophobic I was until the past few times that I've had a cold, this time being the worst(it doesn't really help that I'm pregnant and my body is creating additional "stuff"). It's not like I can't breath...I just can't breath to the opitmum level that God designed for it to be, BOTH nostrils that allow air to pass through to the lungs in an easy manner. Not having both passages clear makes me feel like someone is putting a pillow on top of my face that I can't get away from. I get panicky, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep, and it doesn't help when my ears are plugged too.

I used to play hide and seek when I was younger and was really good at it. I could fit into the smallest of places. I was really tiny then, short and skinny for my age. I would curl up in a ball and hide in laundry baskets with clothes piled on top of me, in boxes, under beds, in my parents hallway closet where they would put towels and such (I would hide on the bottom shelf with the closet door mostly closed). I tried to play, later in life, with my younger cousins but found that I couldn't stay in my hiding place longer than 2 seconds if it involved things on top of me or somewhere where I felt that my "escape" would be inhibited. Even now, I can't have any blankets on top of my head.

I'm not even sure how or why I got this phobia.

It's about 4:00am on what now is a Thursday morning. I have to get up in 2.5 hrs for work. Now that sitting up has helped "cleared" my nose to some extent, I should try to go back to bed.....at least I have only a half day today and Friday off : )

FIRE

Our smoke alarms work.

Plastic burns when left on top of the stove when the wrong burner is inadvertantly turned on.

A pampered chef pan works great to transfer the melted mess, too bad it had holes in the bottom.

A sink full of water works when putting out fires.

Our fire extinguisher is still in its box.

All because I wanted a nice large mug of hot tea to sooth my scratchy throat.

150...

Travis and I heard the baby's heart beat for the first time today. Since the day I looked at the two marks on the pregnancy test until this 13th week, I wondered if there really was a baby in there. I haven't had morning sickness and have been feeling pretty good, but not feeling pregnant at all. I was starting to wonder if my mind and body was playing tricks on me, since I wanted to have a baby so bad. But today confirmed it. Yes I'm pregnant, and in 27 more weeks we'll be holding the baby in our arms.

A Gift...

I married him when I was 21 and he was only 19. We grew up in the same town, in the same high school, and our houses were only a few miles apart. The relationship started with a question, not from him nor from me. It was a friend of mine that heard that I didn't have a date to my senior homecoming dance. She knew him, so she asked me if I would like to go with him. I had only met him once before back in 8th grade during a church retreat and it was only his face and name that I remembered. I said "Sure, why not." It was during lunch time when she asked him. He sat at the table right next to me for that year and the past years playing Euchre with his friends. She walked over to him and asked if he would like to go with me. "Sure," he said. We went. He was uncomfortable. I just wanted to dance with all my other guy friends. I was not a very nice date, but he was patient.

We continued to date. It was 2yrs later that we agreed it was time to get married. We were married in December of 2000. Since then, it's been hard trying to understand what each other is feeling. It's been tough leaving my family, especially because the relationship between my mom and I has changed. But who Travis is and how much he loves me, means more to me than all the times where it's been hard.

He does things that are so caring and unselfish: When he stays in bed with me all day long, reads to me, makes me ginger and lemon tea, gets me whatever I need because I'm so sick with the flu. When he stays up past 3am working on the coolest website for me -- remembering which photograph is my favorite. When he leaves me notes on the mirror in the bathroom with soap when I get up at 6:15am for work. When he packs my lunch. When he recognizes that I'm having a bad day, he gives me a hug.

He has shown me so many things and has helped me understand how to love, how to really be there for someone even though there are times when they are not being very loving in return.

He's been one of God's great gifts to me...