A Happy New Year!

So I'm a couple hours early, but since we're at home not doing anything other than trying to console a very fussy baby, I figured I might as well say HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

The baby is getting two nice teeth in his bottom gums and has a little cold due to the sickness that was going around my inlaws house during our Christmas trip home. So we're cuddled in our house, Trav is setting up our Ikea stuff we bought back in November and I'm trying to feed the fussy baby.....gotta go...back at it.

A Christmas Card to you...

Since I'm not great at sending out cards on time; birthdays, anniversaries, get well, or Christmas. I've decided to just make one here.

To those that are very dear to our hearts:

The words from a very famous person who is slightly green, "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas....perhaps...means a little bit more!" He being the Grinch and how he tried to steel Christmas.

Remember to love, in all the buisiness of the buying, wrapping, driving, and packing.

Merry Christmas!!!

Hugs : )

You Know When It's Time to Relax When.....

You get stuck in your driveway and it only has 1 1/2" of snow on it.

Problem:
1. Ford Ranger, rear wheel drive loaded with 300lbs of sand in the back.
2. Ice build up on the driveway where the wheel paths are.
3. A truck that doesn't like to "go" when it's cold outside.
3. Lack of sleep.
4. A very emotional mother, who couldn't comfort her child this morning due to teething.

Yes, I got stuck in our driveway this morning when trying to go to work. Barend was upset this morning and wasn't eating. Trav had to work at the coop and he takes Barend with him, so I didn't want Barend to be really upset while Travis was driving. That can unnerve anyone. I gave up trying to feed him and handed him off to Trav hungry.

So Trav leaves and I leave maybe 1 minute after he does. Get in the truck put it in reverse. It stalls. Put it in park. Start it. Put it in reverse. It stalls again. It does this one more time. (this generally happens about 50% of the time when I drive it) Needless to stay I get it moving and then there is no traction. I gas it slightly thinking that it's just a little spot that I'm slipping on. It spins and the rear right tire goes off the driveway. Try to pull it forward and then back, but to no avail. Being the super smart engineer that I am, I try to pull forward and make a three point turn at the front of our drive. Too bad our driveway is too small for this type of maneuver. I ended up off the driveway even further and in a snow bank. The snow bank was from our neighbor who was really nice and plowed our driveway. Too bad the pile was right where the truck ended up.

I called into work.

My boss and a fellow employee come and rescue me from my driveway. Thanks Larry and Jeremiah.

I'm finally to the point where I can say, "I'm relaxed."

Oh, did I mention today is our anniversary (5yrs Travis and I have been married). Happy Anniversary Honey!!

A Laugh

Barend laughed for the first time on Saturday. At first I thought that it was only hiccups, but he did it a few times in between them. I was putting him in his cool sling that his dad made. I usually just bounce/jingle him to get him lower in the sling and he generally dosen't like the method I choose. So, I decided to do it this time with some added noises.

"Chuga, chuga. Choo choo. Choo choo." With a little shake of my hips on the chuga part and a little up and down motion on the choo choo parts.

He smiled really big and started to giggle.

I went and told Trav and he told me, "It's probably just because he has the hiccups." And when I did the chugas and choo choos again, Barend laughed. And Trav and I just kept laughing with him.

Whether it was that he was laughing at how weird I was being or that he really enjoyed the chugas and choo choos, I will never know. But, it's a nice change to the fussiness that has taken over his mood lately.

He's getting teeth.....yes he's only three months old, but he's drooling, chewing on his fingers, and has a few little white bumps on designated areas where teeth will one day show up.

He's growing up....Trav and I packed away his newborn outfits and some 0-3month clothes this past weekend. Time goes by so fast.

Bitter Sweet

I'm back to work.

It's been a little rough, particullary in the mornings when I have to say goodbye. I see Travis with his arm around Barend snuggling with him and I just want to stay home, get back in bed, and snuggle too. It's hard, because I'm afraid that one day while I'm at work he'll want me and I won't be able to get to him fast enough and so he won't want me anymore.

But, once I'm at work I'm ok. At least I think I am. I get into a groove; work, pump, work, and pump some more. It actually makes the day go by pretty fast. It becomes hard again during those pumping times when I need to focus on the baby and all I have are pictures. But, I really enjoy what I do. I enjoy designing a project and see it being built. It's just fun! But I miss being with Trav and Barend.

Mr. Magoo, Yoda, and Elmer Fudd Part II

Part II

Trav unpacked the car while I walked around the birth center and got comfortable sitting and shifting my hips on a big birthing ball.

Side Note: Throughout my pregnancy I had been doing HypnoBabies. It's a selfhypnosis course that prepares you and helps you focus and relax for when the baby comes. We ordered the 6 CD self taught course online and I started it at the 26th wk of my pregnancy. I gotta say it totally helped me stay positive while I was pregnant. The course teaches you to enter hypnosis during your pressure waves and generate anesthesia so that you can remain totally relaxed.

Trav kept encouraging me to enter hypnosis, but I couldn't seem to focus. The contractions were getting more intense and closer together. There was a special Hypnobabies CD that I was supposed to listen to during the the active labor portion, but whenever I tried putting the headphones in my ears I would pull them out two seconds later from me moving around on the birthing ball.

There was a point in time that I told Trav that I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I could make it through and I was beginning to see why so many women elected to have an epidural. Trav looked into my eyes and said that I could do it, that I was doing it right at that instant. The baby was coming he told me. I refocused and during the next contraction I told myself outloud "baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby." I can't tell you how many times I said it, but it helped to get through that one contraction.

The later the time went out the more vocal I became. So vocal in fact, that there were no longer words that came from my mouth, just yells. I'll call them yells, because that sounds less deseperate than screams (even though some of them could be classified as screams).

12:30am
There was one contraction in particular that I remember that I began to push. I grunted and bared down as hard as I could. One of the midwives (I believe it was Clarice) came in the room and said "That sounded like you were pushing." I confirmed that indeed I was and asked if that was ok.

Myself: "Baby's here."

She checked me and I was 9cm dialated.

They started to fill the big whirlpool tub.

I entered the tub when it was half way full. Trying to get into a squating position and not having much luck because there wasn't enough water to help me support my body, I elected the knees and shins position.

Myself: "I feel like my butt is going to fall off."
Clarice: "Shanna, I haven't lost a butt yet."

The head came.

Push.

Then the shoulders.

I couldn't see and neither could Trav because of how I was positioned.

12:52am
The rest came out.

I layed back in the water waiting for my baby. I was totally relaxed. Knowing it was a boy, before anyone told me. Just had that feeling I guess.

The tub was finally full.

It's a boy!

Just totally relaxed and enjoying every moment.

I pushed the placenta out and Trav cut the cord. Tiny little cord.

Barend Mayer Brack was born on September 8th, 2005 weighing a big 5lb 14oz.
19inches long with blonde/brown hair and deep blue eyes looking just like Mr. Magoo with his hat just barely over his eyes and his forhead wrinkled, just like Yoda with his lips tensed in just a certain way, and just like Elmer Fudd with his eyes wide and his round cheeks.

Thanks to everyone for all your support, meals, and prayers throughout the pregnancy and after. You've all been such an amazing help! Love You!

Mr. Magoo, Yoda, and Elmer Fudd Part I

PART I

I couldn't sleep at 4am. They were coming every 10 minutes apart and were intense enough that whatever position that I was in wasn't a help. I woke Trav up and told him if they were still going at 7am, I wasn't going to work. They were still going.

I called in, "Not coming in today."

I kept thinking "today's the day". Well....they stopped being intense around 9am. With my hopes dashed I went into work in the afternoon facing everyone and their "you're still pregnant!" and "what, no baby?" comments. During the 2:30pm break I took a walk with my fellow co workers. The contractions were still there and still regular, but I could still function through them. Not yet.

3:50pm
I started timing them, not that this helped make labor happen during any other time that I was having regular contractions in the previous weeks. Needless to say, they started getting closer and I was feeling them getting stronger.

4:45pm
I'm home. I continued to time them for another 3 hours. I didn't want them to go away. Trav asked if today was the day. "I don't know?!?" I didn't want to say yes for fear of being disappointed again.

8:30pm
Called Clarice (our midwife) and told her I thought that I was in labor. She said to meet her at the birth center at 9:30pm (She was actually already there teaching one of the many birthing classes.)

10pm
We arrived at the birth center a little late due to getting through construction and packing the car with the goodies we had prepared for our stay at the birth center. Clarice checked me and I was 2 cm dialated. "You're in early labor." Yes, no turning back. This is it!

We were given a couple options. Stay and get comfortable at the birth center or go home and go through the early labor there. I decided that I wanted to labor at home.

Clarice was going to nap at the birth center instead of going home. She provided us with the phone number for the phone in one of the birthing rooms.

Figuring we would have time to charge some batteries at home, Trav decided to go to the Okemos Meijer and pick up some up and as well as some juice cause he was thirsty. I decided to wait in the car. 30 min later Trav returned to the car carrying his purchase. "I couldn't find the batteries." By this time the contractions were getting pretty intense and I was ready to return to the birth center. We informed Clarice that we were heading back.

11pm
Clarice checked me again and I was at 3cm. Cool I thought to myself. I'm dialating 1 cm an hour so by 9am we'll have this baby.

I can't tell you how fast time flew by after that point.

Relaxation...

So I think I'm going to have to wait to have the baby until after September 6th.

I have a free one hour massage....can't miss out on that!!

Maybe....

Virtues

Patience is a virtue that I seem to be lacking in. I have recognized that through this pregnancy it's something that I need to really work on and change about myself.

For me, I've lived my life by one big life event after the other not really appreciating the everyday events. For example, I couldn't wait to graduate from high school, but missed it after I left. I couldn't wait to plan a wedding and get married to Travis, but after it was done I wondered what was next. I couldn't wait to graduate college and get a "real" job, but after it was done and I got the job I wished I was back and could take advantage of the learning opportunities I had there. I couldn't wait to move into a house and be back in Lansing, but when it was over I wished that we had spent more time looking at different houses. And then, I couldn't wait to be pregnant, after I was I questioned our readiness to be parents wondering if I really rushed it and pushed Travis too hard.

The first months I was anxious to be "big" so that people would know that I was pregnant. Then I was anxious to hear the baby's heartbeat to know that there was a baby in there. Next, it was the movement. Now, I can't wait to have the baby in my arms, to look into his eyes, to feed him and raise him. But I'm forgetting that I already have the baby. The baby is with me 24/7. How easy is that?

If I continue to live my life by one big life event after the other, I'll continue to miss the importance of the every day stuff. The times Trav and I spend together reading and talking. The times when we hang out with our small group and friends at Riverview. The times when I get to see family and friends back in Saginaw. You get the picture...

So I technically have 2 wks left of pregnancy. It could be tomorrow or 3 wks from now, it shouldn't matter. I should enjoy where I'm at and enjoy what God has given me now otherwise, I'll miss out on a whole lot.

It's A Girl!

Nope not me, not yet!

My sister in law Emily had her baby Monday at 11:45am (something like that) 7lbs 14oz. She's doing well along with the rest of the family : )

Yeah!!

They've Disappeared...

I look down one day and to my surprise, my toes have vanished, not to mention my ankles and feet have followed suit.

Seven weeks left...crazy, just crazy.

I love being pregnant; having the baby with me all the time, Travis holding my belly and talking to our little one, Rachael coming up to me bending down and saying "Hello Baby" just to make sure that when the baby is born he'll recognize her voice, feeling the baby move constantly and thus shaking my belly to where I think that I've got a bouncie ball in there that's never heard of the word stop, spending time relaxing and just concentrating on the baby and birth.

But I'm getting anxious to see who's nose the baby has, hoping that it's Trav's that won out. Wondering if it's a boy or a girl to put all the guessing to rest. And just to touch and hold the baby and look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him............and......maybe I'll see my toes again : )


God is so amazing!

Larger and Larger

So the baby is getting big enough to kick me in my left and right side (at the same time) and in my ribs. He's** constantly moving, taking breaks only when I'm being active. So that ultimately means when I'm sitting, laying, or sleeping, he's on the jungle gym. Actually, I think he perfers the teeter-totter as his playground equipment of choice.

I had a chance to feel his foot one day when he was kicking me in the ribs.....it's just amazing!

I'm at 29wks and getting anxious. Feeling pretty good, though I've had a few days where I've been really sleepy and kinda sick. The heat doesn't help much, but since we have an air conditioning unit in our living room window, that's where I spend most of my time after I get out of work. I have enjoyed a few opportunities to go swimming at IM West at MSU. I think the baby really enjoyed it too : )

Travis has been an extremely big help making sure I'm eating the right things by cooking dinner and doing the grocery shopping. He's also working on a website for our baby registry stuff. He's not totally finished with it yet, but you can view it at www.babyregistry.tlblog.com

My due date, September 13th. My sister is having her baby on September 16th and my sister in law, she is due August 9th. Busy summer : )

Happenings II

I have to make it quick cause I'm on lunch break........

I'm at 24wks.

A couple days ago I was walking toward the office printer and the baby kicked so hard I actually stopped in my tracks and had to take a breath. Initially he** was on a schedule, where I knew that at 9am he would start kicking me, however, now it varies. He kicks, on some days, the whole day and others he's pretty quiet.

The baby's wardrobe is almost finished. We've been garage sale shopping these past few weeks and have spent alot of money, but have gotten some really nice stuff.

I'm big enough now that I don't fit into any of my pants, except the ones that have been lent to me or the two pairs of maternity jeans that I bought. My T-shirts are tight around my belly, but they still fit : )

**Disclaimer II** It's by the majority of people that I relinquish the use of "her" in most of my statements. One may pop up now and again.....for my sake. It seems that for the most part, the consensus is that I'm having a boy. But we shall see : ) : )

Boy or Girl? What do you think?

Happenings

We were sitting in church this past Saturday night and while Noel was preaching, I felt a little poke. Then I felt two more. I leaned over to Trav and told him that the baby was moving. He asked me where and put his hand on the spot. I felt the baby again and not saying anything looked at Trav. "Was that it?" He asked me. Yup. The baby did it again and Trav smiled big and said, "That was another one, wasn't it."

And as I am typing this post, the baby is moving. I don't think she* likes the laptop sitting on top of her.

**Disclaimer**
I say a she, because for the first 4 1/2 months I called the baby a he, now I'm saying she. We haven't found out the sex of the baby yet and we won't know until sometime in September. So everyone that's wondering......we're in the same boat.

Stethoscope

I've been wanting to hear the babys heartbeat again, just to verify that I did indeed hear it the last time I went in to see the midwife.

Last night, I finally heard the baby with the help of my mom's old stethoscope from work. I say finally, because ever since easter when I brought the stethoscope home, every night I would lay on the couch and try and listen. To my dismay I would only hear the gurrgling of my own stomach, until yesterday. It was awesome. I called Trav into the living room, to make sure I wasn't hearing something else. Sure enough, Trav heard it too : ) I believe it was an answer to prayer, because I've been struggling so much with not knowing.

17wks...

Baby Registry

Hi Everyone! I'm at the 17wk point and feeling the baby every once and awhile. It's crazy to think that I'm almost half way through the pregnancy already.

I'm posting a link to our online registry for those who are interested. We'll also be registering at Toys R Us and possibly Target.

http://www.findgift.com/cgi-local/Registry.cgi/babybrack

Claustrophobic

I can't sleep....

I never realized how claustrophobic I was until the past few times that I've had a cold, this time being the worst(it doesn't really help that I'm pregnant and my body is creating additional "stuff"). It's not like I can't breath...I just can't breath to the opitmum level that God designed for it to be, BOTH nostrils that allow air to pass through to the lungs in an easy manner. Not having both passages clear makes me feel like someone is putting a pillow on top of my face that I can't get away from. I get panicky, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep, and it doesn't help when my ears are plugged too.

I used to play hide and seek when I was younger and was really good at it. I could fit into the smallest of places. I was really tiny then, short and skinny for my age. I would curl up in a ball and hide in laundry baskets with clothes piled on top of me, in boxes, under beds, in my parents hallway closet where they would put towels and such (I would hide on the bottom shelf with the closet door mostly closed). I tried to play, later in life, with my younger cousins but found that I couldn't stay in my hiding place longer than 2 seconds if it involved things on top of me or somewhere where I felt that my "escape" would be inhibited. Even now, I can't have any blankets on top of my head.

I'm not even sure how or why I got this phobia.

It's about 4:00am on what now is a Thursday morning. I have to get up in 2.5 hrs for work. Now that sitting up has helped "cleared" my nose to some extent, I should try to go back to bed.....at least I have only a half day today and Friday off : )

FIRE

Our smoke alarms work.

Plastic burns when left on top of the stove when the wrong burner is inadvertantly turned on.

A pampered chef pan works great to transfer the melted mess, too bad it had holes in the bottom.

A sink full of water works when putting out fires.

Our fire extinguisher is still in its box.

All because I wanted a nice large mug of hot tea to sooth my scratchy throat.

150...

Travis and I heard the baby's heart beat for the first time today. Since the day I looked at the two marks on the pregnancy test until this 13th week, I wondered if there really was a baby in there. I haven't had morning sickness and have been feeling pretty good, but not feeling pregnant at all. I was starting to wonder if my mind and body was playing tricks on me, since I wanted to have a baby so bad. But today confirmed it. Yes I'm pregnant, and in 27 more weeks we'll be holding the baby in our arms.

A Gift...

I married him when I was 21 and he was only 19. We grew up in the same town, in the same high school, and our houses were only a few miles apart. The relationship started with a question, not from him nor from me. It was a friend of mine that heard that I didn't have a date to my senior homecoming dance. She knew him, so she asked me if I would like to go with him. I had only met him once before back in 8th grade during a church retreat and it was only his face and name that I remembered. I said "Sure, why not." It was during lunch time when she asked him. He sat at the table right next to me for that year and the past years playing Euchre with his friends. She walked over to him and asked if he would like to go with me. "Sure," he said. We went. He was uncomfortable. I just wanted to dance with all my other guy friends. I was not a very nice date, but he was patient.

We continued to date. It was 2yrs later that we agreed it was time to get married. We were married in December of 2000. Since then, it's been hard trying to understand what each other is feeling. It's been tough leaving my family, especially because the relationship between my mom and I has changed. But who Travis is and how much he loves me, means more to me than all the times where it's been hard.

He does things that are so caring and unselfish: When he stays in bed with me all day long, reads to me, makes me ginger and lemon tea, gets me whatever I need because I'm so sick with the flu. When he stays up past 3am working on the coolest website for me -- remembering which photograph is my favorite. When he leaves me notes on the mirror in the bathroom with soap when I get up at 6:15am for work. When he packs my lunch. When he recognizes that I'm having a bad day, he gives me a hug.

He has shown me so many things and has helped me understand how to love, how to really be there for someone even though there are times when they are not being very loving in return.

He's been one of God's great gifts to me...

Hello

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