Christmas Wish...

I wish that Barend would sleep through the night, or at least sleep 4hrs before he wakes up again.

Update...

Barend took his first steps two days ago. He took about five toward me. Just adorable. He hasn't done it again since, but every now and again you'll see him let go of the wall, a chair, or whatever he's holding to stabalize himself and take a small step forward to the next object of his attention. Still working on getting more teeth...not too fun, but he's still adorable.

Kazoo is beautiful, but sometimes lonely. We're here now, mostly moved in to our cozy little apartment downstairs of Travs parents house. We've been back to Lansing a few times to get Christmas decorations and a few odds n ends that we forgot. Oh, and to get the house "cleaned" for a showing we had yesterday. Not even going to say how it went, because I never know. Only God really knows when we're going to sell, however frustrating that may be. The snow may become an issue, due to the steepness of the driveways. I'll have to take some pictures : ) We are only a minute away from a ski slope, so if you want to come and visit we'll have to go skiing if we can get out of the drive.

I don't get a chance to get on the computer anymore. We have dial up now (no cable out here) and only one phone line, so I don't like tying it up more than I have to. My cell phone doesn't work out here unless I go outside and stand in one place or I drive closer to the expressway. You can call it and leave a message. I check them periodically.

Miss you back in Lansing! Thanks to Nicole and Chaz for checking up on the house now and again and getting our mail : )

Gotta go....got some other stuff to do before kiddo wakes up : )

Come and visit sometime!!

Discouragement...

Have you ever been so discouraged by something that it totally drags you down? We're still waiting on selling our house. It seems that were only getting one showing a month. My inlaws on the other hand just listed their house in Freeland 3 wks ago and they have an offer already. It's cool that they are on the verge of moving, but at the same time I'm jealous. They've offered us a place in their house, but the fear of imposing is there.

Although, it seems that I shouldn't be complaining. There are others like us, trying to sell their house and many on the market much longer than we have been. I guess what I'm asking for is prayer that God would ease my impatient heart. That he would provide the right buyer and that he would provide Trav and I a nudge in the right direction.

They made it...

Tigers are going to the World Series!!! Awesome : )

Change...

I can't believe it's been a month since I left my job. We (Trav, Barend, and I) are still in the process of transitioning. For the past 3wks, I've been able to sleep when Barend sleeps and that's made all the difference. He's on a late night schedule (going to bed at 11:30pm), which I don't really mind too much, but getting up at 10:30am is sometimes frustrating, but I'm not complaining : ) He only woke up once (for the 1st time since he was born) during the night last night. I couldn't believe it : )

Since I've been home with him time doesn't really exist. It's gone by so fast and the days just blend in together.

He is also a year old now. We had a party for him on Saturday which turned out to be a blast : ) Barend didn't "dig in" to his birthday cake as much as I thought he would. He, very meticulously, picked off one of the mini oreo cookies I had used as the froggie's eye and proceeded to eat it. He then went after the other mini oreo and just when I thought he lost interest in the cake, he dragged his fingers across it and got a handful of frosting. Just too cute! He also didn't really take an interest in opening presents, although later the next day when I wanted to put away all the gift bags and tissue paper, he suddenly wanted to explore and find out what was inside them. Barend wanted me to say thanks to everyone who came and for the presents : )

Not walking yet, but getting there. Standing up next to everything and a couple nights ago he was in the middle of the room and stood up on his legs with his hands on the floor. I thought he was going to do it right then, but those silly socks that I put on his feet to keep them warm made him slip and slide and when I went to take them off of him, he lost interest and started playing with his toys.

I'll post some pictures, once I figure out how to download my camera : ) Gotta go!

Last Day...

So today is my last day at work and somehow it seems that I should be really excited and happy, but truth is I'm not.

I've always enjoyed doing what I do, being a road designer (Civil Engineer) for MDOT. But the pull of not having to get up at 6:30am every morning after getting maybe 6 hours of interrupted sleep, not having to sit in an freezer of a bathroom and pump two times a day hoping that I get enough milk for Barend to drink that next day, not feeling badly at work that my mind is elsewhere (home with my husband and baby), and not constantly feeling that I'm hard to work with because of my pumping schedule and not wanting to work so much overtime, is too great.

But the person that I love the most....the person that I'm able to say anything to and know that he'll be there for me (even though there are times that I hurt him sooo very much)...the person that I really can't live without...isn't happy. How can I be happy knowing that I'm taking an opportunity away from him, doing something that is looked upon as uncommon, but something that makes him soo happy??

Yeah, I'm looking forward to being home with Barend, being able to sleep when he sleeps, being able to clean and enjoy cleaning (sounds weird I know, but I've always enjoyed cleaning), preparing meals for Trav, not having to pump, and going to parks and museums. But I'm not looking forward to trying to sell our house, Trav commuting, moving, and establishing new relationships with people when I'm not such a good communicator.

Struggles of a working mom, soon to be stay at home mom, trying to balance lifes needs, wants and dreams.

Help...

My in laws came down yesterday to help get the house ready to sell. We got so much done it was incredible. I almost cried this morning going downstairs in the basement, because it was clean. I could see the carpet. Things were organized in boxes. Laundry done and folded. Floors swept. Amazing!

We even brought down the king sized matress from the 2nd floor, a feat in itself.

Thank you guys!!! Love you lots!

Oh, I forgot to mention that our house is 1,100 sft (not including 750 sft in the basement).

Times a Changing....

Yeah, so the rollercoaster that I've been on the past week or so has finally slowed. I don't think it's finished yet, but who knows really.

I can talk about this now because our parents know and my boss knows.

Trav, Barend, and I are moving to Kalamazoo. Travis got a job working with his brother at a computer software company. We're switching rolls. I'll be staying at home with Barend and Trav will be working.

You know you can say so many things all eloquently in your head, but then you try to type them and you just come up short. Yeah, so it sucks leaving friends and a familiar area..........but it's exciting to do something new.

If anyone is looking to buy a home, we're selling ours.
3 bedroom, 1.5 bath, Cape Cod with full basement
Lot size 66' x 280', 6' x 8' shed in backyard
two houses down from a park
Big garden in full bloom
Great neighbors
If your interested, comment below and I'll send you more info : )

More to come soon....oh here is a picture of my silly 'ol bear

Rollercoaster...

Yes, a rollercoaster, one that is exciting to the point where you bite off all your finger nails in anticipation and also one that is sickening...so many ups and downs and side to sides once you're off the ride you're not sure where your stomach landed.

That's how my life is going right now. One gigantic rollercoaster. I'm not enjoying it.

Sometimes I just wish God would say...this is where you need to be at this point in your life, this is how things should look. Then I can make the necessary decisions to match what the picture is supposed to look like, like the old color by numbers that I did when I was little. Unfortunately, I remember not really following the numbers and wanting it to look my way instead of what the instructions called for. I still wish for some direction....especially when you love someone soooo very much and they desire their lifes picture to be something different then your own. How do you resolve this?!?!?

Yes, I've been praying and so has he and so has a few other people, but how do you know which way to go???

Just sad....just really really sad.....

Commenting...

So I was wondering why I wasn't getting any comments....especially on the pictures of the cutest baby : ) Holly pointed out that I had it set to members only commenting. I changed it to anyone, so feel free to write a note.

Swimming...

Here's my little guy, enjoying his cousin's pool.



Side note: He has 5 teeth!

Trippy....

Just read this in the Lansing State Journal...

"Just after 12:30 a.m. Sunday, a 2001 Chevrolet Cavalier driven by Kevin Mallory, 38, of Owosso was heading east in the westbound lanes of Interstate 69 near Upton Road, Clinton County sheriff's officials said. Mallory's car struck a westbound Chrysler Pacifica driven by Shanna Clark, 28, of Chicago; both drivers died instantly.

A backseat passenger in the westbound car, Travis Clark, 26, of Chicago, also was pronounced dead at the scene. A third passenger, Kerry Putnam, 25, of Chicago, was taken to Sparrow Hospital, where she remained in serious condition Monday." Article Link to LSJ

Notice the names and ages.......only a year older than Trav and I. The driver traveling the wrong way struck their vehicle going 60-70mph. Crazy!

American Citizenship...

Do you pass??? Take the quiz

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13442226/

Broccoli....

Mmmmm...

Avocados...

Mmmmmm....

STOP THE PRESSES...

So Barend has a tooth. One. He is also standing, with the help of various objects around the house; cardboard boxes, subwoofer, TV Entertainment Center, pillows (don't really know how he accomplishes this one), bathtub, stool, etc.

He still loves the cat. I don't think Theo minds the attention so much, cause whenever Barend grabs a fist full of hair, Theo doesn't move. Just lays there. Rolls on his back. We try to push him to move, so he'll get up trod a foot and plop right back down again, within Barend's reach of course. And the process repeats.

Stuff and Not Much Else...

Barend is closing in on his 9month bday. No teeth, not that I'm complaining. My nephew has 6 teeth, being 4 days younger than Barend and my niece has 8 (the last I heard) being 1 month older than Barend. Both moms have been bitten, and not very gently. So I really don't mind, other than his very runny nose and crankiness.

He's doing the army crawl at speeds that recruits would be jealous of. He's so fast in fact that when you pull him across the room AWAY from the entertainment center that is surrounded by a barricade of pillows, and you go about your buisness trying to catch up on some housework, he's back at the entertainment center, on top of the pillows trying to check out what we try to keep hidden. He's like that though, wanting to play with anything other than his "kids" toys. If we try and give him his "kid" cup to distract him while we take a drink out of our "adult" glass, he wants the glass and not his cup. Maybe, Trav and I will have to start eating and drinking using all his baby sized stuff, so he'll start getting interested in those.

He's beginning to realize that grass is his friend, not a green matt full of little needle sharp like fingers reaching out and trying to take his hand off. Although, the next step would be to teach him that it's not really good to eat ones friend.

He's a thumb sucker and has a tag blanket that Trav and I have to make sure is available for his daytime naps and at bedtime. I just hope he doesn't end up like me, in the thumb sucking buisness. I sucked my thumb till I was about 13yrs old to my parents detriment (spending roughly $3000 for braces) and had a "binki" (blanket) till just a few years ago. I still regret throwing those away.

He's growing out of all his 6-9 month stuff. We've been dressing him in 12month stuff since his 7 month bday, due to the height that he gets from his dad. And the fact that the waste on alot of the younger month clothes doesn't fit around his cloth diapers. Oh well, he looks too cute with oversized clothes on.

Sleep, is still something that we're searching for and can't really seem to find. Trav has been somewhat successful in getting him into a naptime routine during the day. We know that if he doesn't get at least 3.5 hours of daytime napping in, where in for a long night. Even longer than the usual no sleep nights. He gets up just about every 1.5 - 2 hours. Sometimes I'm lucky and he'll have a stretch of 3hrs, too bad those are at the very earliest of times when I have to get up and get ready for work. I can't blame it all on the fact that it's him that's not sleeping. I think I have some part of the blame. I'm a mover when I sleep (to the annoyance of Travis and that's why we purchased a king sized bed) and I think when I move it wakes up Barend. Well, I think Barend will move and then wake himself up, cause he hasn't really learned how to go back to sleep on his own. I keep trying to tell myself...."and this too shall pass." Just a life phase, something that you don't want to rush, but you can't wait until it's over.

Trav's garden is coming around. It's going to be great : ) I'll have to post a list of what he's growing. He's also making wine, and getting ready to try his hand at beer. We'll see. Too bad we won't be able to try the wine until next year. Oh, he's 25yrs old now. His bday was on the 14th. His siblings informed him that it's a great number, because now he can rent a car in any state and our car insurance goes down : )

I should get back to work................

Pictures!

So, my sister in law pointed me in the right direction on how to post pictures....

It's crazy how fast time flys...

Big Barend!

So he's officially said dadadada and mamama. He said mama first about a week ago and just last night we were playing with him upstairs and Trav was trying to get him to say dada. Sure enough, "dadadadadada" came out. I don't think he really knows what it means yet, but we're working on that part. He also got his knees underneath him for the first time and instead of using his arms for support, he leaned forward and used his head to stabalize himself.

Just in the past week he's also discovered his shadow. He will get really still when you hold him up so he can stand and then flap his arms really fast and dance and then just smile : ) Then he'll get really still and repeat the process. Cute!

He loves mirrors. Loves remote controls. Loves alarm clocks.

Our baby is getting soooo big : ) 7 months old...

I found it!!

Yes, I've located the pot of gold! Frozen gold to be exact. And I actually have to give credit to my brother, cause he's the one who really found it.

Everyone knows that Superman is the best ice cream flavor. It's taken me 26yrs, ok so really like 15yrs, of tasting store boughten ice cream to find just the right brand to match the ice cream that I absolutely love from my hometown city dairy.

Shall I disclose this information to you? Since I'm nice I will : ) It's a Premium Mooney's brand that's called Super Rainbow. Yummy!

Prayer

I'm submitting an appeal to the insurance company for them to pay the fee that was charged to us when Barend was born. Need prayer that they'll cover it. A new law was passed effective March 2005, so hopefully that'll persude them to cover it.

Also, Barend has been very fussy the past week. I'm attributing it to teething, but he's not really eating and has just been very needing of both Trav and I. I'm just getting tired out.......

Random Thoughts

It's amazing how time goes by so fast, but yet so slow.

Barend will be 6 months in a couple of days. He's rolling over (both ways), sucking his thumb, and reaching out for anything that he finds interesting, which is pretty much everything. The teeth haven't come yet, but the drool and the fussiness has. The thumb sucking is soooo adorable and it's like he wants everything in his mouth at the same time, thumb (check) blanket (check), cup (check)....hmmm....can I fit a teething ring too?

Sleep?? Hmmm, good question. Seen it anywhere? Tell it I'm looking for it.

We're getting ready for the spring. Trav's been researching doing a garden. It's exciting!! I even paced out our backyard for him and the various "obsticals" that would effect the placement of the garden.

Work....is work. I love my job, it's just I want to be a mom more.

I got a chance to go see Freeland (my old High School) compete at Haslett High School for the gymnastics Regionals. It brought back so many memories and some regrets.

PB and J, time for lunch.

Hope

My cousin's son, Dustin, passed away yesterday. He was struck by an SUV while riding his bike on the way to school. He was only 14. You begin to question God and his awesome power. Is he so loving?

I want to know if I'll see Dustin again. I want to know if Barend leaves, will I see him again. Where is the line? When is it that God says we are able to make the decision to follow him? At what point do we become "responsible" for our own salvation. Is there really a place...is there really a hope that God has a place for us and his children. I begin to question, if I died in one second, will I see God? Will I be "safe"? And is that even right to think that way?

In the back of my mind, I know that I shouldn't worry. I know I should rely on God. I know it's not for us to decide. But how can we not???

For now they saw something not only behind the wave but behind the sun. They could not have seen even the sun if their eyes had not been strengthened by the water of the Last Sea. But now they could look at the rising sun and see it clearly and see things beyond it. What they saw --eastward, beyond the sun--was a range of mountains. It was so high that either they never saw the top of it or they forgot it. None of them remembers seeing any sky in that direction. And the mountains must really have been outside the world. For any mountains even a quarter of a twentieth of that height ought to have had ice and snow on them. But these were warm and green and full of forests and waterfalls however high you looked. And suddenly there came a breeze from the east, tossing the top of the wave into foamy shapes and ruffling the smooth water all round them. It lasted only a second or so but what it brought them in that second none of those three children will ever forget. It brought both a smell and a sound, a musical sound. Edmund and Eustace would never talk about it afterwards. Lucy could only say, 'It would break your heart.'
'Why,' said I, 'was it so sad?' 'Sad! No,' said Lucy. No one in that boat doubted that they were seeing beyond the end of the world into Aslan's country. (C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, pg212)


I cry when I read this section in the book, just about every time. I imagine greeting God at the beginning of this vast space. No more pain, suffering. No more worrying about death, about the emptyness that takes ahold sometimes.

C.S. Lewis and even Tolkein describes their image of heaven to the point where I get shivers and I feel like I shouldn't doubt. I really shouldn't doubt him. I may not understand why. I guess I should be glad that it's something in his control and that no matter what, he is still there for us. So many questions.......

Lord, please wrap your arms around Chad, Stacey, Ashley, Darren, and little Chad. Comfort them. Love them. Give them a hope and a peace in you beyond all understanding. Help us to know how to help them. Please be with all the extended family give all of us hope and faith, that you are in control of all things and no matter how hard things are, you're still there. Amen